Day ? - Intent for Entering the Desteni Sphere of Influence

Previously before Desteni, I had been dabbling in Occultism I became involved with a white magick occult group based on the writings of Dion Fortune and I eventuated on an interesting group on Spiritual Satanism that I became more strongly involved within. I had completed various rituals, though a little half heartedly and I was not terribly convinced of my application or effectiveness of them. I was convinced my psychic centres were blocked and nothing was getting through.

I read that generations of religious upbringing in the christian faith can block and numb the spiritual senses and chakras and I was to have none of this so I decided to go the whole haul. I discovered that the prescribed meditations did not work as expected and described on the spiritual satanist website.

In my desperation as a result, one ritual I did commit to was a dedication of myself to Satan, which involved a signing of my name in Blood and a burning of the contract using specific coloured candles and a spoken invocation.

In this period in my life (early to mid 2007) in order to 'open the spiritual centres' I was also trying many different types of psychadelic drugs including hawaiian baby woodrose, DMT and Datura.

I am now discovering that I was then simply opening doorways for other beings and entities to come and use my body.

I had entered 'the left hand path' I was not willing to do the 'right thing' according to my life path, which was follow God and be the wound up Christian I was when I was 16 (2002). I decided if I was going to burn in hell, I was going to do it well. I deliberately went against the 'right' I knew, which caused a rift in my consciousness of which residue is left even now.

Of all my spiritual ritualistic exercises one thing did manifest, bees created a beehive in the wall right where my head was sleeping. I heard great buzzing noises of all the sounds inside a beehive, I took this as a manifestation of nature coming to heal my psychic senses and spirit bodies, the bees being a purification tool for this.

About this time the 2012/Nibiru theory was becoming pretty well publicized, and I took some of the bait (which as we well know, didn't happen as expected) and from all this back story, I discovered Desteni from links on youtube watching other 2012/Nibiru videos.

I had only watched a couple of the 'portal videos' and this was the initial seed that was planted. Something about the girl fascinated me.

After the Hawaiian Baby Woodrose trip (LSA, which was an overdose) I decided if I didn't want to do any of this that I was doing with my life (my band, music, work, and living in a funky town called Fremantle) what would I want to do? I decided to sell all of my things to move into the woods/bush to live off the land.

I did this, and was lightly involved with the forums at Desteni Universe and requested if it was something I should do. My reply came from Darryl actually, and that was to explain that "What was I doing asking for someone to make a decision for my life? I knew what to do, and I should be doing it. Stop fucking around", With a very complete moral tone.

After living in the Bush for a week and having taken some Datura with me (be very careful with this one, by the way), I decided to leave due to my need for sugar, having sentenced my appetite to brown rice and whatever natural foods I could find around the place. I brought a survival book with me, not much on Australian flora though, big mistake.

From the nearest town I made a mayday call to my parents through a text through a pay phone and through them calling a nearby hotel and had them fly me to the other side of the country to stay with them for a while. This was where I started getting seriously into Desteni and started applying the breathing exercises and the self-forgiveness and writing, which started to change my life in a very drastic way. Being around my parents at that time was not a good place, as I was breaking down some major walls of conditioning and well I was becoming a different person before their very eyes, a kind of stark, horridly honesty frank personality was the result of my self work and their natural reaction was to project mental illness onto me, I was as yet unstable as how to retain my sense of self without allowing projection to overtake me (I'll come back to projection in just a minute), I just wanted to be left alone while I went through this process.

I came very close to breaking everything down. Whatever that means to you, you can make of it. For what use Bernards words are now, I was told by Bernard I was given a chance.

I ran away three times from my parents (how can I run away from something I have no obligation to be a part of, unless I impose upon myself a sort of pseudo-obligation in order to play this cat and mouse game?).

The third time I 'got away', they sent the white jackets (psycho-police) after me, I got on a train and got off at a station they did not expect, I was reported as a missing person. I got on a train with no ticket to a town in the country 6 hours train trip away and lived in the bush on a hill for 2-3 days. After eventually negotiating some money out of my Mum, I then went to Sydney to a friend outside of the clutches of my parents and got a job and got more heavily involved with Desteni.

I saved money on this job which led to me visiting the Desteni Farm later that year.

My intent with joining Desteni was to gain power. I was frank with this intent, I even mentioned on the forums once, I went to the farm because I was going to the biggest source of power. Bernard did not reply to this, just let another indirect powerful attribute fall upon his shoulders.

I went to Desteni as a vessel asking to be filled, not wanting to take responsibility. Bernard gave me a demon to teach me a lesson. I did not go to Desteni possessed, though I was accused of being possessed on the farm, I left the farm with the psychological belief I was possessed because I was told so by someone I decided to trust unconditionally (big no no, I had no boundaries then and with this no concept of self-respect or not sacrificing self completely for the sake of others).

As a bi-product of my desire for power, I was moved into the facilitation of the Desteni philosophy and Dogma.

This is where it is very important to understand psychology in groups.

My position in the group allowed me certain energy benefits and while Desteni philosophy denies the existence of energy, Bernard would openly speak about his use of 'sexual energy' which he took off us, which he said we had no way of knowing he was using, and we should become more aware of it.

Coming back to projection, I have come to an understanding of my body as a 'mimic'. This means I can take a portion of anothers energy and use the way they use energy, with or without their consent, normally people are unaware of it happening. We all do it a little bit in order to communicate and empathize with one another and understand what each other is saying. I did it in the capacity that I had the intellectual capacity, skills and abilities of the people I was 'sucking off'.

I was not completely aware I did this but sometimes things went well for me for no reason and other times they went horribly wrong. If the yelling fit from Bernard was anything, it was to teach me this, my capacity to take from another without their consent. Considering my intention, my unconscious actions were not in-line with my intention.

A manifestation of someone sensing subtly my presence using them, was a slight irritation. Rationally and logically they could not say anything was happening but something was used that they didn't want to be, that they didn't want to go away.

My presence within the group of Desteni at this time was to, by being 'super-fantastic' using the groups energies, to break forth and show others what was really possible. When I left Desteni, much of the skills and motivation I got using the groups energies left me instantly. As soon as I broke rapport with the group.

What we were asked to do as keeping public diaries that were very honest and very open is exactly the method of a Crowlean Lodge, except the diaries are given to the Master to be read only. This means the 'Master' has access to control every thought of the person, because the person is willingly putting as much as possible of themselves into the mind for the use of the Master for specific and efficient control. As the person becomes more and more open, the person becomes better at being open. This opens up doorways for unconditionally changing conditioning.

This can be a good thing, if it is done by self for self as self - alone.

Doing this unconditional self-honesty with others, and especially with a group that has a 'Master' opens you up to vulnerability, where anyone can change you and if a political philosophy of a group is at hand to replace what you are, then that is what it will do.

We are talking about Neuro-Linguistic-Programming.

Bernard did not keep a secret that he was deliberately changing others.

I myself asked him to engage in what he called 'mind-hacking', this involved unconditional conversations where he placed suggestions I don't consciously remember in the mornings of my stay there at the Desteni farm.

Desteni was a black magick lodge with a 'good intent', it still has potential to do good and still probably will but its methods are those of destruction.

A demon can never walk through the fire and become eternal because a demon must relinquish what it is, for a demon to be a demon it retain an aspect of individuality mixed with desire.

Desteni is a torture device, an equality demon, for those that wish to torture themselves until they wake up to the very real possibility that their life is in their own hands. Deception does not exist, except self-deception.

We make all our own choices. Desteni is a demon that puts all this information right in front of your face, while you say 'yes yes yes' and then leads you down a rabbit hole for 'service'.

When will you stop hating yourself? When will you stop torturing yourself?

How long will it take for you to really stand up?

MAKE SENSE?